The day before we departed for the holiday break, I asked my players to write in their journals. Journal writing is something we try to do at least once a week in order to get our players to gain self awareness. Self awareness allows our players to understand why they do things and what they need to do to become better. It is the best tool for creating positive change.
The two questions they were asked were:
1. If you could give yourself a Christmas present which would make you a better player and person, what would it be?
2. If you could give the team a present to help us be successful, what would it be?
Most of the players understood what I was asking and responded to the first question with answers such as patience, self confidence, the courage to make a mistake, belief in my abilities, etc. The second question was also answered from a position of awareness when they wrote: ability to trust teammates to be where they should be on helpside defense; the knowledge of how to run the offense as a group; the understanding of what it takes to be a team and not just a player on a team; and the ability to finish a game from a position of confidence.
The next day I gave the sheet back to them and asked them to answer one more thought I had which was: List one good reason why you cannot have the gift you have wished for yourself and the team. I did not have to wait long for them to turn their papers into me. They already knew why I was asking that particular question. They knew such an answer did not exist. There might have been reasons why they couldn't have what they wanted, but none of the reasons would be good. They knew if they believed they deserved and were worthy of the present they wished for themselves, then they should receive it.
I hope they believe they are worthy. I hope they understand they are deserving. I hope they know with all their hearts they should receive the blessings they wished upon themselves. This is what I want my gift to be to them: for each of them to know they are worthy, brilliant, beautiful, deserving, talented, good, kind and wonderful. If they believe, they will tap into what it is already inside them and find what they already possess. If they don't believe it, they can never find what is missing even it if it already exists within them.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Playing With Dynamite
I have coached teams who have consistently won games by 20 points, teams who have consistently lost games by 20, teams who have surged ahead in the last five minutes to win, teams who have lost in the second half, but I've never coached a team who wants to play each game to the last second of the clock . . . until now. It is as if these players are adventure sport athletes playing basketball. They want the thrill of mountain biking off cliffs, parachuting off the Empire State Building, ski jumping with triple flips, or just waiting until the final moment of each basketball game to decide what team wins. It is as if they like playing with sticks of dynamite.
I'm not a coach who can take this. When I was younger, in great shape working out 2 1/2 hours a day with heart and lungs working like a twenty year old, I might could have withstood the thrill. Might could have. Now, I find myself out of breath, gulping for air, heart pumping like I was sprinting the 100 meters, and closing my eyes rather than watching the finish. It is too much for this coach to take.
In the eight games we have played, we are barely scrapping by with a two point margin of victory (77.1 ppg to 75 ppg). We have had opportunities to win every game we have played and we have succeeded in half of them. In the ones we have lost, we have learned from the errors we made. Yet, with each new opportunity to play, we have been able to discover new ways to make errors. My players inform me they are simply getting through each and every possibility so they will have that particular game experience. They are excited by the wisdom and knowledge they have gained. YAHOO!
I'm not saying I'm not enthused by their new found wisdom but I'd prefer a little distance in games, a little safety where I can breathe regularly, and where I can sit down on the bench at the end of the game and know we have won without waiting for the final shot. Surely this is a possibility.
The ironic thing is my perception of these players is they are not the crazy, insane, off-the-court thrill seekers who might find danger in all they do. They are the stay-in-the-room watch movies, play-card-games types who might occasionally go out on the town to dance and let loose a little craziness. Perhaps they need to get their excitement from games. Perhaps this is the only place where they can play with sticks of dynamite. I guess in the scheme of things this is better for their mental, emotional and physical health. But is it better for mine?
Alas, it is the concept of team I must succumb too--not my own preferences. If it is better for them to play until the last (and I mean last second) of the game, then I must sacrifice my needs and wants for theirs. It is how the team concept works. We all must buy into what is best for team and I am a part of the team--not a separate entity. So all I ask of them is this: learn from all your end-of-the game experiences and apply them to the next contest, then we will win more than we lose which is what we all desire.
I'm not a coach who can take this. When I was younger, in great shape working out 2 1/2 hours a day with heart and lungs working like a twenty year old, I might could have withstood the thrill. Might could have. Now, I find myself out of breath, gulping for air, heart pumping like I was sprinting the 100 meters, and closing my eyes rather than watching the finish. It is too much for this coach to take.
In the eight games we have played, we are barely scrapping by with a two point margin of victory (77.1 ppg to 75 ppg). We have had opportunities to win every game we have played and we have succeeded in half of them. In the ones we have lost, we have learned from the errors we made. Yet, with each new opportunity to play, we have been able to discover new ways to make errors. My players inform me they are simply getting through each and every possibility so they will have that particular game experience. They are excited by the wisdom and knowledge they have gained. YAHOO!
I'm not saying I'm not enthused by their new found wisdom but I'd prefer a little distance in games, a little safety where I can breathe regularly, and where I can sit down on the bench at the end of the game and know we have won without waiting for the final shot. Surely this is a possibility.
The ironic thing is my perception of these players is they are not the crazy, insane, off-the-court thrill seekers who might find danger in all they do. They are the stay-in-the-room watch movies, play-card-games types who might occasionally go out on the town to dance and let loose a little craziness. Perhaps they need to get their excitement from games. Perhaps this is the only place where they can play with sticks of dynamite. I guess in the scheme of things this is better for their mental, emotional and physical health. But is it better for mine?
Alas, it is the concept of team I must succumb too--not my own preferences. If it is better for them to play until the last (and I mean last second) of the game, then I must sacrifice my needs and wants for theirs. It is how the team concept works. We all must buy into what is best for team and I am a part of the team--not a separate entity. So all I ask of them is this: learn from all your end-of-the game experiences and apply them to the next contest, then we will win more than we lose which is what we all desire.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Taking Criticism
When I was a player I hated to be criticized, because I thought it meant I wasn't any good--that I was failure. Now I have learned not to take criticism personally; it doesn't have anything to do with me as a person. I am still a worthy and good individual; however, I might need improvements in some areas. This is the lesson I want my players to recognize. It will save them years of pain and self condemnation.
I am happy to report my lone senior, Katy Arick, has learned this lesson well. Even though we begin every year telling our players constructive criticism is necessary, many of them fall apart when we begin to criticize their skills. They have to accept we care enough about them to want them to be better. They have to start with the inner awareness we are here to assist them to become the best they can become. We cannot do this by allowing them to continue making mistake after mistake after mistake.
When Katy first began playing for us, she could easily tear up when we demanded her to be better. Now, after three seasons of understanding why we criticize, she is able to handle our demands from a place of inner strength and confidence.
Last Saturday during our game, we had a twenty point lead early in the second half only to see it dwindle quickly to six points. We were in a situation where we needed to score. Katy was struggling with her shot, missing open opportunities which she normally made. After missing back to back shots in early offense, I took her out of the game, sat her down and told her in a not so gentle manner to stop shooting the ball. She needed to play good defense, be a screener and a passer and go get the rebound.
I didn't curse at her, nor did I use any demeaning language about her person, but I was very firm in what I told her she must do. A younger player with less self awareness might have inwardly crumbled not hearing my intent. A younger player might have heard I didn't believe in her, she was a bad shooter, she couldn't play in stressful situations, etc. BUT Katy didn't hear that. She heard my message and knew what she needed to do to help us win.
After only a minute of sitting on the bench, I put her back in the game where she dutifully did exactly as I had requested. The only shots she shot for the rest of the game were free throws which she made. She screened. She rebounded. She passed. She was the ultimate team player.
Katy has learned she is still a great player but there are times when she must do what is best for the team. She didn't take my criticism personally; instead she understood my intent, used the strengths she possessed for that particular time period and helped us win.
I couldn't be more proud of her.
I am happy to report my lone senior, Katy Arick, has learned this lesson well. Even though we begin every year telling our players constructive criticism is necessary, many of them fall apart when we begin to criticize their skills. They have to accept we care enough about them to want them to be better. They have to start with the inner awareness we are here to assist them to become the best they can become. We cannot do this by allowing them to continue making mistake after mistake after mistake.
When Katy first began playing for us, she could easily tear up when we demanded her to be better. Now, after three seasons of understanding why we criticize, she is able to handle our demands from a place of inner strength and confidence.
Last Saturday during our game, we had a twenty point lead early in the second half only to see it dwindle quickly to six points. We were in a situation where we needed to score. Katy was struggling with her shot, missing open opportunities which she normally made. After missing back to back shots in early offense, I took her out of the game, sat her down and told her in a not so gentle manner to stop shooting the ball. She needed to play good defense, be a screener and a passer and go get the rebound.
I didn't curse at her, nor did I use any demeaning language about her person, but I was very firm in what I told her she must do. A younger player with less self awareness might have inwardly crumbled not hearing my intent. A younger player might have heard I didn't believe in her, she was a bad shooter, she couldn't play in stressful situations, etc. BUT Katy didn't hear that. She heard my message and knew what she needed to do to help us win.
After only a minute of sitting on the bench, I put her back in the game where she dutifully did exactly as I had requested. The only shots she shot for the rest of the game were free throws which she made. She screened. She rebounded. She passed. She was the ultimate team player.
Katy has learned she is still a great player but there are times when she must do what is best for the team. She didn't take my criticism personally; instead she understood my intent, used the strengths she possessed for that particular time period and helped us win.
I couldn't be more proud of her.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Challenges Create Champions
The great thing about athletics is how it relates to life situations. Life always offers opportunities for personal growth whether we want them or not. Playing basketball games is a journey of learning, growing from mistakes, keeping a head held high when things don't go the way we want them to and keeping faith in our abilities when the scoreboard doesn't end in our favor.
We are a team who could be 6-0 but instead we are sitting at 2-4. With every close loss, there is a heartache, a vacancy so deep and wide, it could fill the New River Gorge. If we begin to think like a 2-4 team, we will discover more losses, and we will not play to our abilities. If we know the truth as something different and think as if we were undefeated, we will play like a confident team with all our abilities.
This is a critical point in our journey. Do we look at ourselves and see losers or do we choose to see our depth, our strength, our courage? It is not our past which determines who we are; it is what we gain from our experiences. Now is the time for the Golden Eagles to make choices. What choice we make will determine our future. Are we going to allow our mistakes at the end of the games make us into a team who expects more of the same? Or can we choose to see each mistake as a stepping stone toward success?
Players with courage and confidence know this: a missed opportunity, an error, a mistake remains a failure only if we fail to learn from it. Learning from our losses will give us more than wins; it will provide us with the knowledge of our depth--our ability to overcome, to face adversity, to know with certainty when life throws us a curve ball, we can still hit it out of the park. Only a pessimist believes the journey is over this early in the season. Only a team without heart gives up and gives in before the last game is played.
There is always an option with each loss we face. Do we face our struggle with courage or do we give in to fear? Do we use these first games to make us stronger or do we allow them to make us weaker? It is not the outcome of the game which is so important; it is how we perceive it. If we can gain strength, look deep within ourselves and find a depth we did not know we had, we are better for our losses.
When I see our team, I see winners. I see women with heart and determination, with desire to be better, to learn from their experiences, and to grow as players and as people. I believe this team is full of champions. I hope they believe the same.
We are a team who could be 6-0 but instead we are sitting at 2-4. With every close loss, there is a heartache, a vacancy so deep and wide, it could fill the New River Gorge. If we begin to think like a 2-4 team, we will discover more losses, and we will not play to our abilities. If we know the truth as something different and think as if we were undefeated, we will play like a confident team with all our abilities.
This is a critical point in our journey. Do we look at ourselves and see losers or do we choose to see our depth, our strength, our courage? It is not our past which determines who we are; it is what we gain from our experiences. Now is the time for the Golden Eagles to make choices. What choice we make will determine our future. Are we going to allow our mistakes at the end of the games make us into a team who expects more of the same? Or can we choose to see each mistake as a stepping stone toward success?
Players with courage and confidence know this: a missed opportunity, an error, a mistake remains a failure only if we fail to learn from it. Learning from our losses will give us more than wins; it will provide us with the knowledge of our depth--our ability to overcome, to face adversity, to know with certainty when life throws us a curve ball, we can still hit it out of the park. Only a pessimist believes the journey is over this early in the season. Only a team without heart gives up and gives in before the last game is played.
There is always an option with each loss we face. Do we face our struggle with courage or do we give in to fear? Do we use these first games to make us stronger or do we allow them to make us weaker? It is not the outcome of the game which is so important; it is how we perceive it. If we can gain strength, look deep within ourselves and find a depth we did not know we had, we are better for our losses.
When I see our team, I see winners. I see women with heart and determination, with desire to be better, to learn from their experiences, and to grow as players and as people. I believe this team is full of champions. I hope they believe the same.
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