Don't Let The Record Fool You

Last week was a long week. Playing four games in seven days is challenging especially with the emotions wrapped up in a single contest. Within one game, so many emotions can be felt: joy, fear, elation, passion, anger, insecuity, unworthiness, strength, belief, faith and hope. Every game is like a journey through one's soul going through so many opportunites for growth in such a short amount of time and when in that short 40 minutes, it ends with a loss, the prevailing emotions felt are sadness and a deep questioning of self and team.

It is difficult to take a loss and then stand tall with faith in the next opportunity. It is especially hard when a team which is as good as we are now has three losses in four games. How does a player recover? How does a team recover especially knowing that within each game an opportunity was there for a win? The games were so close we could physically touch and emotionally feel them, yet not hold them as ours.

How do we gather ourselves up in the full knowledge and awareness we are good and the journey has just begun? How do we find the right stuff to end the game as we desire? The real question is: how do take these losses and turn them into victories? It is not what has transpired which determines our future. It is our hope, our faith, our belief in one another and ourselves. It is the unwavering knowledge we can overcome; we are deserving; we are good; we are capable and we can.

I have witnessed such tremendous growth in the individuals and the team this season that they have inspired me. There is Katy Arick who has practiced and played with pain every day but who is playing the absolute best she has ever played in her career. The mental courage and willingness of Ali Tobias to step outside of where she has played the last two years and become a scorer willing to take the toughest of shots. Tiana Beatty, another injured player, who without fear jumps and leaps and plays with reckless abandon knowing every step hurts her. Tarenna Dixon who just a year ago couldn't sustain playing through a mistake and now keeps playing and giving effort when she misses a shot. Lindsey Kentner, an athlete who has beaten herself up with mental games, allowing herself to not be perfect and to let go of her missed shots playing in the now.

I have seen Jules overcome self doubt and the pain of not playing much last season to step up with confidence. There is Chrissy, an freshman, who last night after the experience of just three games, razzled and dazzled everybody with her passes and vision. Tianni, another fresh face out of high school, work through her self frustation to come again and again to play with determination. Lisanne getting out of the throes of self pity after injuring her ankle to encourage her teammates and be a team player. Moneka in her disappointment of not playing as much as she desires to continue to work hard in practices to improve. And finally, Emma, our sweet Emma who has shown such tremendous heart in her willingness to take on the journey of loving herself through each of her mistakes.

I believe in where this team is going, where the journey is headed, what they will achieve in the future because I can see into their hearts. I am full of hope.

A Little Blip

Last week the Golden Eagles had a blip, a blot, an out-of-sorts kind of week. We were grouchy, slow to react, unwilling to listen to one another, full of excuses, blaming somebody else for our inadequacies and all around not playing together. It was rather nasty--not a week for singing positive praises about our team.

This lack of unity is not unusual. In fact, it is a normal phase of coming together. When a group comes together, there are times of laughter, fun and enjoyment and there are also times of jealousy, anger and blaming. What determines a team is not this time of "storming" but how we decide to deal with it. We could have chosen to leave it alone and pretend it wasn't there or we could have continued on the path of pointing fingers. What we chose instead was to find a way through our issues to gain the cohesiveness of a unit.

Saturday, rather than practicing on the court, we sat together in a circle with the instruction for each individual to write down three ways in which she contributed to our current state of affairs. We then went around the circle one at a time and shared our faults. No person was allowed to comment, judge or state anything after somebody had shared with the team.

Amazingly I found the players to be rather astute in their perceptions of what they needed to do in order to exert some control over what was occurring. One player said she needed to lead without fear of what her teammates would think about her. Another said she should voice her opinion when a teammate said something negative she didn't agree with rather than simply siding with her. One said she didn't need to bring her bad day with her on the court. Several of them stated they needed to be more vocal and show more enthusiasm when practicing.

When we had completed that exercise, we tore up our sheets of paper and threw them in the waste basket acknowledging we had dealt with our issues and they were no longer with us. Then we went around the group 10 times with each person stating something positive she did to help the team either on or off the court. No repeats of what another person had mentioned were allowed. At first, the Eagles were worried about the no repeat rule but they soon discovered how easy it was to find the positives. After 130 positive comments, we were well on our way to healing the experiences of our past week and moving toward the unity we needed to be successful.

When members of a team are willing to come together and share their faults, to admit their need for improvement, to take a part of the blame for what is occurring, then they can find the strength they need to defeat opponents.

To all the Golden Eagles for their willingness to work through our conflicts, I say: IHHOAGE!

The Cool Coach

I must be losing my touch--the coaching touch that is. A couple of weeks ago when we were doing a positive circle and each team member was instructed to say something positive about the person on her right, I was told by Julianne I was cool this year. I had to check her face to see if cool actually meant good or if it was some meaning I had not yet deciphered. Sometimes with younger people I get lost in the lingo. Words change meaning with them as they tend to use their own interpretation of definitions. So once I determined cool actually meant good, I wasn't certain how to react. I've been called many things in my 21 years of coaching but I sincerely doubt I've ever been called cool.

What does this mean--being a cool coach? Have I been too nice? Too easy? Is my intensity waning? Have I forgotten how to push? Am I getting soft? Are practices not challenging?

I've always known it should be more important to a coach to be respected than to be liked. Being liked in the coaching world almost has a nasty connotation associated with it. It means you are being friends with the players; you don't know how to discipline; you can't draw the line in tough scenarios; and of course, you don't have your players' respect.

So I had to take a deep breath on this "cool" factor. I had to examine who I had become and if it was okay to be known as cool. After several hours of reflecting upon it, I decided I was indeed a different individual than I was years ago or perhaps even last year. I believe there was a time when I confused fear with respect meaning I thought if players feared me, then I had their respect. I no longer believe that. Respect comes from being organized and prepared, knowing how to coach, showing respect for others, being able to accept criticism, and coaching from a center of compassion. Perhaps I am not as hard-nosed, but I am still demanding and intense focused on getting the best I can from players.

I'm not certain if I am truly qualified to be a cool coach, but I am okay with the players believing I am if it makes them play better. If it doesn't make them play better, then I guess I won't get to hold the cool status.