Coach Gone MAD?

I've worked diligently over the past few years to get rid of my anger. I've read books, processed past experiences, discussed my history and spent time in meditation and prayer. I've felt a lightness in my heart and joy on my tongue for several months UNTIL our first scrimmage game.

While we have been known to play poorly early in the season, I was distraught over the lack of competitiveness shown in the scrimmage. Passion is something which I know must exist in order for teams to win. There is no substitute for wanting to win and be willing to put everything on the court in order to do so.

After watching the game footage, I seethed for several hours and allowed the anger to stew and get nice and hot. When practice time came, I was ready to let the team know what my expectations were.

Imagine after all the positive words, all the time spent encouraging that some wild maniac shows up for practice.

Don't worry parents. There was no abuse. No balls thrown at your daughters. No words said which weren't carefully chosen to make them become better. There was some spittle coming off my lips, a few veins popping out of my neck, a red hue covering cheeks and throat, and then, there was fire coming right out of my eyes, but nothing which could have caused physical harm.

The problem is this: they are much better than what they showed. They needed to break through their ideas about what they could and could not do. Using anger to get them to move past their limitations isn't my chosen path. I'd prefer just to ask and to watch them grow.

I have learned, though, anger used in the right manner can produce positive results. It is not something to be utilized daily, and it should not be the corner stone of our practice time. Monday, though, it was what was needed.

After I threw my temper tantrum, a qualified two year old's fit, they responded. Ali penetrated to the basket and scored. Tiana picked up her on-the-ball defense. Lindsey became more aggressive on offense looking for her shot. Tarenna decided she could become a scorer outside the paint, and Mo showed her rebounding capabilities.

I, on the other hand, got totally worn out. Exhausted. Pooped right down to my little toe. This mad coach stuff is hard on the heart and the body. Hopefully, I won't have to go back to it this season, but I will if it is needed. They need to know they can become awesome and if it takes me getting out of my comfort zone to make them get out of theirs, then that is what I will do.

I just hope it is not too often. Let us hope our next scrimmage is more promising.

ONE HEART. ONE DREAM.

Creating Masterpieces From Catastrophes

Last Wednesday I was the speaker at the Lions Club here in Charleston. My topic was "Creating Masterpieces From Catastrophes." From my blog last week you would know I don't really believe in catastrophes--only opportunities. As always, it is far easier to speak these words than to practice them.

There were six points I presented at the meeting:
1. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Give your best and forget the rest.
4. Think of every "crisis" as opportunity.
5. Make laughter a part of every day. Find reasons to smile.
6. Look for and accept your "angels" meaning those people who come into your life as mentors and teachers.

I was pretty proud of the words I had presented. They sounded positive and strong rolling off my tongue. Then a couple of days later I had to practice what I had preached.

It is far, far easier to say the words than live them!

Before our first practice on Friday, one of our players quit without any rhyme or reason. She was a phenomenal player with an incredible future ahead of her. It is a longer story than I have time for here, but suffice it to say we had invested much effort into getting her into school, going to classes and feeling a part of the team.

We could have been devastated, angry and vengeful. We could have wasted a lot of energy into those emotions which would have taken us the wrong direction. I will not say it was easy to simply drop her and go forward. I was hurt by her abandonment of the team who had given so generously to her and who had loved her. I was mad she broke her promise to me to finish this season. I was upset she had blown this opportunity to move forward in her life.

Yet I knew this event was a lesson, a gift and an opportunity for us. Although it wasn't clear exactly how this was going to help us, I knew from experience this was going to make us stronger and better.

We presented her departure as a small, matter-of-fact event and went forward with our training. A couple of days later, Tiana Beatty said to me, "Her quitting is a great omen. The last time she quit, we got to the national tournament and won our first game. This time we are going all the way."

I couldn't have received a better gift.

ONE HEART. ONE DREAM.

Trouble in Paradise???

Did the subject line get you interested? If you are a parent, did you fear this was about your daughter? Were you eager to hear the "bad" news?

Oops. I lied. I just wanted to grab your attention. There is no trouble here--only opportunities for growth. For certain there are lessons to be learned, but I don't view those as trouble.

We might have a few instances where players "forget" to go to class or struggle with turning in their assignments on time. In these instances, we gently prod them to do what is right. By gentle prodding, I mean making their teammates run more on conditioning days or maybe even kicking them out of practice until they come to the awareness school is important. (You might be wondering if this is gentle what the hard stuff is, but I'll save that for another blog.)

Last week we had a player who temporarily lost her notebook and didn't have her journal answers prepared on time. She bargained with me to not make the team run because of her failure. When she offered to run 10 suicides if I wouldn't make the team run additional sprints, I agreed. I'm not certain she was happy I so quickly agreed with her offer, and I don't know if she learned not to lose her notebook or if her lesson included never offering to run 10 suicides for her teammates. I'd prefer she learned not to lose her notebook.

My view is every day is an opportunity for the players to get better and to discover something about themselves. I don't believe there are mistakes. Mistakes are chances to get better, to expand, to listen and to learn. So when a player comes to me who has experienced a mistake, I want to know what they have learned. It does not mean they are free from consequences for their actions, but I am interested if they have grown to a new level.

We had some players who made poor decisions over the weekend. Since it was over the weekend, you might be able to guess what those decisions involved. I can remember when I was a student-athlete and had a few poor decision-making weekends. Fortunately, I paid for them which made me learn how to make better choices. I am hoping that the 30 minute butt-breaking workout I put them through on Tuesday will enlighten them. If not, the next lesson will be tougher.

Some people learn lessons slower than others. For those people the consequences become tougher each time. The important thing I want them to learn is to admit their mistakes, be willing to grow from them, and finally to forgive themselves. After suffering a consequence the continual beating up of self serves no purpose. Forgiveness allows them to go forward with confidence and clarity.

Is there trouble in paradise? Never. There is only opportunity.

ONE HEART. ONE DREAM.

New Found Wisdom

Last week as we were doing our positive circle which is a an opportunity for each player to share something positive, I asked what they had learned since the beginning of the year. We took turns sharing our positive thoughts for the day.

Not many players loved what I said during my turn. I said, "I have learned players can be pushed further than I believed." While I thought this was an incredible new awareness, I found when the players groaned they were not necessarily aligned with my new found wisdom.

Pushing players is what coaches are supposed to do. It is our best way of making players expand who they are. So many of the young women I coach box themselves into a small space where they are guided by the thoughts "I can only do this or that." Such silly thoughts.

Yesterday the players ran 18's which is a little sprint set where the players build up from one to two to three to four court lengths and so on until they reach eight sprints then they reverse the order and come back down the ladder. I suppose it wouldn't have been as difficult without the clock and the times we had arranged for them. It was the all out sprint which created problems.

I can always tell when something is difficult when players start hitting the wall. This is when the asthma kicks in, players hyperventilate, cramps occupy their calves, a hamstring is strained and their legs are wobbling so hard they have difficulty standing up.

Since nobody passed out and Lindsey Kentner and Ali Tobias were still running, I assumed all was well. When these two get tired, I know I have made the workout too hard.

Five players out of 15 made the times for all the sprints. This is what I wanted--making the workout challenging enough that players had to go all out and risk everything to make the times. It is the risk I want--the heart, the drive, the ability to reach inside and pull something more out of themselves.

I want them to be willing to risk it all on the court, to leave their hearts and minds there. To be so exposed as to feel vulnerable yet to know that by risking they can receive the greatest of all gifts--becoming the very best they can become.

Even though not all of them made their times, they pushed themselves. They tried with every ounce of their beings. This was success and I was pleased.

While they are counting down then number of days until official team workouts (October 15th), I am still thinking of ways to push them further. They will eventually love me for it even if right now that thought is far, far away from their minds.

ONE HEART. ONE DREAM.