The day before we departed for the holiday break, I asked my players to write in their journals. Journal writing is something we try to do at least once a week in order to get our players to gain self awareness. Self awareness allows our players to understand why they do things and what they need to do to become better. It is the best tool for creating positive change.
The two questions they were asked were:
1. If you could give yourself a Christmas present which would make you a better player and person, what would it be?
2. If you could give the team a present to help us be successful, what would it be?
Most of the players understood what I was asking and responded to the first question with answers such as patience, self confidence, the courage to make a mistake, belief in my abilities, etc. The second question was also answered from a position of awareness when they wrote: ability to trust teammates to be where they should be on helpside defense; the knowledge of how to run the offense as a group; the understanding of what it takes to be a team and not just a player on a team; and the ability to finish a game from a position of confidence.
The next day I gave the sheet back to them and asked them to answer one more thought I had which was: List one good reason why you cannot have the gift you have wished for yourself and the team. I did not have to wait long for them to turn their papers into me. They already knew why I was asking that particular question. They knew such an answer did not exist. There might have been reasons why they couldn't have what they wanted, but none of the reasons would be good. They knew if they believed they deserved and were worthy of the present they wished for themselves, then they should receive it.
I hope they believe they are worthy. I hope they understand they are deserving. I hope they know with all their hearts they should receive the blessings they wished upon themselves. This is what I want my gift to be to them: for each of them to know they are worthy, brilliant, beautiful, deserving, talented, good, kind and wonderful. If they believe, they will tap into what it is already inside them and find what they already possess. If they don't believe it, they can never find what is missing even it if it already exists within them.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Playing With Dynamite
I have coached teams who have consistently won games by 20 points, teams who have consistently lost games by 20, teams who have surged ahead in the last five minutes to win, teams who have lost in the second half, but I've never coached a team who wants to play each game to the last second of the clock . . . until now. It is as if these players are adventure sport athletes playing basketball. They want the thrill of mountain biking off cliffs, parachuting off the Empire State Building, ski jumping with triple flips, or just waiting until the final moment of each basketball game to decide what team wins. It is as if they like playing with sticks of dynamite.
I'm not a coach who can take this. When I was younger, in great shape working out 2 1/2 hours a day with heart and lungs working like a twenty year old, I might could have withstood the thrill. Might could have. Now, I find myself out of breath, gulping for air, heart pumping like I was sprinting the 100 meters, and closing my eyes rather than watching the finish. It is too much for this coach to take.
In the eight games we have played, we are barely scrapping by with a two point margin of victory (77.1 ppg to 75 ppg). We have had opportunities to win every game we have played and we have succeeded in half of them. In the ones we have lost, we have learned from the errors we made. Yet, with each new opportunity to play, we have been able to discover new ways to make errors. My players inform me they are simply getting through each and every possibility so they will have that particular game experience. They are excited by the wisdom and knowledge they have gained. YAHOO!
I'm not saying I'm not enthused by their new found wisdom but I'd prefer a little distance in games, a little safety where I can breathe regularly, and where I can sit down on the bench at the end of the game and know we have won without waiting for the final shot. Surely this is a possibility.
The ironic thing is my perception of these players is they are not the crazy, insane, off-the-court thrill seekers who might find danger in all they do. They are the stay-in-the-room watch movies, play-card-games types who might occasionally go out on the town to dance and let loose a little craziness. Perhaps they need to get their excitement from games. Perhaps this is the only place where they can play with sticks of dynamite. I guess in the scheme of things this is better for their mental, emotional and physical health. But is it better for mine?
Alas, it is the concept of team I must succumb too--not my own preferences. If it is better for them to play until the last (and I mean last second) of the game, then I must sacrifice my needs and wants for theirs. It is how the team concept works. We all must buy into what is best for team and I am a part of the team--not a separate entity. So all I ask of them is this: learn from all your end-of-the game experiences and apply them to the next contest, then we will win more than we lose which is what we all desire.
I'm not a coach who can take this. When I was younger, in great shape working out 2 1/2 hours a day with heart and lungs working like a twenty year old, I might could have withstood the thrill. Might could have. Now, I find myself out of breath, gulping for air, heart pumping like I was sprinting the 100 meters, and closing my eyes rather than watching the finish. It is too much for this coach to take.
In the eight games we have played, we are barely scrapping by with a two point margin of victory (77.1 ppg to 75 ppg). We have had opportunities to win every game we have played and we have succeeded in half of them. In the ones we have lost, we have learned from the errors we made. Yet, with each new opportunity to play, we have been able to discover new ways to make errors. My players inform me they are simply getting through each and every possibility so they will have that particular game experience. They are excited by the wisdom and knowledge they have gained. YAHOO!
I'm not saying I'm not enthused by their new found wisdom but I'd prefer a little distance in games, a little safety where I can breathe regularly, and where I can sit down on the bench at the end of the game and know we have won without waiting for the final shot. Surely this is a possibility.
The ironic thing is my perception of these players is they are not the crazy, insane, off-the-court thrill seekers who might find danger in all they do. They are the stay-in-the-room watch movies, play-card-games types who might occasionally go out on the town to dance and let loose a little craziness. Perhaps they need to get their excitement from games. Perhaps this is the only place where they can play with sticks of dynamite. I guess in the scheme of things this is better for their mental, emotional and physical health. But is it better for mine?
Alas, it is the concept of team I must succumb too--not my own preferences. If it is better for them to play until the last (and I mean last second) of the game, then I must sacrifice my needs and wants for theirs. It is how the team concept works. We all must buy into what is best for team and I am a part of the team--not a separate entity. So all I ask of them is this: learn from all your end-of-the game experiences and apply them to the next contest, then we will win more than we lose which is what we all desire.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Taking Criticism
When I was a player I hated to be criticized, because I thought it meant I wasn't any good--that I was failure. Now I have learned not to take criticism personally; it doesn't have anything to do with me as a person. I am still a worthy and good individual; however, I might need improvements in some areas. This is the lesson I want my players to recognize. It will save them years of pain and self condemnation.
I am happy to report my lone senior, Katy Arick, has learned this lesson well. Even though we begin every year telling our players constructive criticism is necessary, many of them fall apart when we begin to criticize their skills. They have to accept we care enough about them to want them to be better. They have to start with the inner awareness we are here to assist them to become the best they can become. We cannot do this by allowing them to continue making mistake after mistake after mistake.
When Katy first began playing for us, she could easily tear up when we demanded her to be better. Now, after three seasons of understanding why we criticize, she is able to handle our demands from a place of inner strength and confidence.
Last Saturday during our game, we had a twenty point lead early in the second half only to see it dwindle quickly to six points. We were in a situation where we needed to score. Katy was struggling with her shot, missing open opportunities which she normally made. After missing back to back shots in early offense, I took her out of the game, sat her down and told her in a not so gentle manner to stop shooting the ball. She needed to play good defense, be a screener and a passer and go get the rebound.
I didn't curse at her, nor did I use any demeaning language about her person, but I was very firm in what I told her she must do. A younger player with less self awareness might have inwardly crumbled not hearing my intent. A younger player might have heard I didn't believe in her, she was a bad shooter, she couldn't play in stressful situations, etc. BUT Katy didn't hear that. She heard my message and knew what she needed to do to help us win.
After only a minute of sitting on the bench, I put her back in the game where she dutifully did exactly as I had requested. The only shots she shot for the rest of the game were free throws which she made. She screened. She rebounded. She passed. She was the ultimate team player.
Katy has learned she is still a great player but there are times when she must do what is best for the team. She didn't take my criticism personally; instead she understood my intent, used the strengths she possessed for that particular time period and helped us win.
I couldn't be more proud of her.
I am happy to report my lone senior, Katy Arick, has learned this lesson well. Even though we begin every year telling our players constructive criticism is necessary, many of them fall apart when we begin to criticize their skills. They have to accept we care enough about them to want them to be better. They have to start with the inner awareness we are here to assist them to become the best they can become. We cannot do this by allowing them to continue making mistake after mistake after mistake.
When Katy first began playing for us, she could easily tear up when we demanded her to be better. Now, after three seasons of understanding why we criticize, she is able to handle our demands from a place of inner strength and confidence.
Last Saturday during our game, we had a twenty point lead early in the second half only to see it dwindle quickly to six points. We were in a situation where we needed to score. Katy was struggling with her shot, missing open opportunities which she normally made. After missing back to back shots in early offense, I took her out of the game, sat her down and told her in a not so gentle manner to stop shooting the ball. She needed to play good defense, be a screener and a passer and go get the rebound.
I didn't curse at her, nor did I use any demeaning language about her person, but I was very firm in what I told her she must do. A younger player with less self awareness might have inwardly crumbled not hearing my intent. A younger player might have heard I didn't believe in her, she was a bad shooter, she couldn't play in stressful situations, etc. BUT Katy didn't hear that. She heard my message and knew what she needed to do to help us win.
After only a minute of sitting on the bench, I put her back in the game where she dutifully did exactly as I had requested. The only shots she shot for the rest of the game were free throws which she made. She screened. She rebounded. She passed. She was the ultimate team player.
Katy has learned she is still a great player but there are times when she must do what is best for the team. She didn't take my criticism personally; instead she understood my intent, used the strengths she possessed for that particular time period and helped us win.
I couldn't be more proud of her.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Challenges Create Champions
The great thing about athletics is how it relates to life situations. Life always offers opportunities for personal growth whether we want them or not. Playing basketball games is a journey of learning, growing from mistakes, keeping a head held high when things don't go the way we want them to and keeping faith in our abilities when the scoreboard doesn't end in our favor.
We are a team who could be 6-0 but instead we are sitting at 2-4. With every close loss, there is a heartache, a vacancy so deep and wide, it could fill the New River Gorge. If we begin to think like a 2-4 team, we will discover more losses, and we will not play to our abilities. If we know the truth as something different and think as if we were undefeated, we will play like a confident team with all our abilities.
This is a critical point in our journey. Do we look at ourselves and see losers or do we choose to see our depth, our strength, our courage? It is not our past which determines who we are; it is what we gain from our experiences. Now is the time for the Golden Eagles to make choices. What choice we make will determine our future. Are we going to allow our mistakes at the end of the games make us into a team who expects more of the same? Or can we choose to see each mistake as a stepping stone toward success?
Players with courage and confidence know this: a missed opportunity, an error, a mistake remains a failure only if we fail to learn from it. Learning from our losses will give us more than wins; it will provide us with the knowledge of our depth--our ability to overcome, to face adversity, to know with certainty when life throws us a curve ball, we can still hit it out of the park. Only a pessimist believes the journey is over this early in the season. Only a team without heart gives up and gives in before the last game is played.
There is always an option with each loss we face. Do we face our struggle with courage or do we give in to fear? Do we use these first games to make us stronger or do we allow them to make us weaker? It is not the outcome of the game which is so important; it is how we perceive it. If we can gain strength, look deep within ourselves and find a depth we did not know we had, we are better for our losses.
When I see our team, I see winners. I see women with heart and determination, with desire to be better, to learn from their experiences, and to grow as players and as people. I believe this team is full of champions. I hope they believe the same.
We are a team who could be 6-0 but instead we are sitting at 2-4. With every close loss, there is a heartache, a vacancy so deep and wide, it could fill the New River Gorge. If we begin to think like a 2-4 team, we will discover more losses, and we will not play to our abilities. If we know the truth as something different and think as if we were undefeated, we will play like a confident team with all our abilities.
This is a critical point in our journey. Do we look at ourselves and see losers or do we choose to see our depth, our strength, our courage? It is not our past which determines who we are; it is what we gain from our experiences. Now is the time for the Golden Eagles to make choices. What choice we make will determine our future. Are we going to allow our mistakes at the end of the games make us into a team who expects more of the same? Or can we choose to see each mistake as a stepping stone toward success?
Players with courage and confidence know this: a missed opportunity, an error, a mistake remains a failure only if we fail to learn from it. Learning from our losses will give us more than wins; it will provide us with the knowledge of our depth--our ability to overcome, to face adversity, to know with certainty when life throws us a curve ball, we can still hit it out of the park. Only a pessimist believes the journey is over this early in the season. Only a team without heart gives up and gives in before the last game is played.
There is always an option with each loss we face. Do we face our struggle with courage or do we give in to fear? Do we use these first games to make us stronger or do we allow them to make us weaker? It is not the outcome of the game which is so important; it is how we perceive it. If we can gain strength, look deep within ourselves and find a depth we did not know we had, we are better for our losses.
When I see our team, I see winners. I see women with heart and determination, with desire to be better, to learn from their experiences, and to grow as players and as people. I believe this team is full of champions. I hope they believe the same.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Don't Let The Record Fool You
Last week was a long week. Playing four games in seven days is challenging especially with the emotions wrapped up in a single contest. Within one game, so many emotions can be felt: joy, fear, elation, passion, anger, insecuity, unworthiness, strength, belief, faith and hope. Every game is like a journey through one's soul going through so many opportunites for growth in such a short amount of time and when in that short 40 minutes, it ends with a loss, the prevailing emotions felt are sadness and a deep questioning of self and team.
It is difficult to take a loss and then stand tall with faith in the next opportunity. It is especially hard when a team which is as good as we are now has three losses in four games. How does a player recover? How does a team recover especially knowing that within each game an opportunity was there for a win? The games were so close we could physically touch and emotionally feel them, yet not hold them as ours.
How do we gather ourselves up in the full knowledge and awareness we are good and the journey has just begun? How do we find the right stuff to end the game as we desire? The real question is: how do take these losses and turn them into victories? It is not what has transpired which determines our future. It is our hope, our faith, our belief in one another and ourselves. It is the unwavering knowledge we can overcome; we are deserving; we are good; we are capable and we can.
I have witnessed such tremendous growth in the individuals and the team this season that they have inspired me. There is Katy Arick who has practiced and played with pain every day but who is playing the absolute best she has ever played in her career. The mental courage and willingness of Ali Tobias to step outside of where she has played the last two years and become a scorer willing to take the toughest of shots. Tiana Beatty, another injured player, who without fear jumps and leaps and plays with reckless abandon knowing every step hurts her. Tarenna Dixon who just a year ago couldn't sustain playing through a mistake and now keeps playing and giving effort when she misses a shot. Lindsey Kentner, an athlete who has beaten herself up with mental games, allowing herself to not be perfect and to let go of her missed shots playing in the now.
I have seen Jules overcome self doubt and the pain of not playing much last season to step up with confidence. There is Chrissy, an freshman, who last night after the experience of just three games, razzled and dazzled everybody with her passes and vision. Tianni, another fresh face out of high school, work through her self frustation to come again and again to play with determination. Lisanne getting out of the throes of self pity after injuring her ankle to encourage her teammates and be a team player. Moneka in her disappointment of not playing as much as she desires to continue to work hard in practices to improve. And finally, Emma, our sweet Emma who has shown such tremendous heart in her willingness to take on the journey of loving herself through each of her mistakes.
I believe in where this team is going, where the journey is headed, what they will achieve in the future because I can see into their hearts. I am full of hope.
It is difficult to take a loss and then stand tall with faith in the next opportunity. It is especially hard when a team which is as good as we are now has three losses in four games. How does a player recover? How does a team recover especially knowing that within each game an opportunity was there for a win? The games were so close we could physically touch and emotionally feel them, yet not hold them as ours.
How do we gather ourselves up in the full knowledge and awareness we are good and the journey has just begun? How do we find the right stuff to end the game as we desire? The real question is: how do take these losses and turn them into victories? It is not what has transpired which determines our future. It is our hope, our faith, our belief in one another and ourselves. It is the unwavering knowledge we can overcome; we are deserving; we are good; we are capable and we can.
I have witnessed such tremendous growth in the individuals and the team this season that they have inspired me. There is Katy Arick who has practiced and played with pain every day but who is playing the absolute best she has ever played in her career. The mental courage and willingness of Ali Tobias to step outside of where she has played the last two years and become a scorer willing to take the toughest of shots. Tiana Beatty, another injured player, who without fear jumps and leaps and plays with reckless abandon knowing every step hurts her. Tarenna Dixon who just a year ago couldn't sustain playing through a mistake and now keeps playing and giving effort when she misses a shot. Lindsey Kentner, an athlete who has beaten herself up with mental games, allowing herself to not be perfect and to let go of her missed shots playing in the now.
I have seen Jules overcome self doubt and the pain of not playing much last season to step up with confidence. There is Chrissy, an freshman, who last night after the experience of just three games, razzled and dazzled everybody with her passes and vision. Tianni, another fresh face out of high school, work through her self frustation to come again and again to play with determination. Lisanne getting out of the throes of self pity after injuring her ankle to encourage her teammates and be a team player. Moneka in her disappointment of not playing as much as she desires to continue to work hard in practices to improve. And finally, Emma, our sweet Emma who has shown such tremendous heart in her willingness to take on the journey of loving herself through each of her mistakes.
I believe in where this team is going, where the journey is headed, what they will achieve in the future because I can see into their hearts. I am full of hope.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A Little Blip
Last week the Golden Eagles had a blip, a blot, an out-of-sorts kind of week. We were grouchy, slow to react, unwilling to listen to one another, full of excuses, blaming somebody else for our inadequacies and all around not playing together. It was rather nasty--not a week for singing positive praises about our team.
This lack of unity is not unusual. In fact, it is a normal phase of coming together. When a group comes together, there are times of laughter, fun and enjoyment and there are also times of jealousy, anger and blaming. What determines a team is not this time of "storming" but how we decide to deal with it. We could have chosen to leave it alone and pretend it wasn't there or we could have continued on the path of pointing fingers. What we chose instead was to find a way through our issues to gain the cohesiveness of a unit.
Saturday, rather than practicing on the court, we sat together in a circle with the instruction for each individual to write down three ways in which she contributed to our current state of affairs. We then went around the circle one at a time and shared our faults. No person was allowed to comment, judge or state anything after somebody had shared with the team.
Amazingly I found the players to be rather astute in their perceptions of what they needed to do in order to exert some control over what was occurring. One player said she needed to lead without fear of what her teammates would think about her. Another said she should voice her opinion when a teammate said something negative she didn't agree with rather than simply siding with her. One said she didn't need to bring her bad day with her on the court. Several of them stated they needed to be more vocal and show more enthusiasm when practicing.
When we had completed that exercise, we tore up our sheets of paper and threw them in the waste basket acknowledging we had dealt with our issues and they were no longer with us. Then we went around the group 10 times with each person stating something positive she did to help the team either on or off the court. No repeats of what another person had mentioned were allowed. At first, the Eagles were worried about the no repeat rule but they soon discovered how easy it was to find the positives. After 130 positive comments, we were well on our way to healing the experiences of our past week and moving toward the unity we needed to be successful.
When members of a team are willing to come together and share their faults, to admit their need for improvement, to take a part of the blame for what is occurring, then they can find the strength they need to defeat opponents.
To all the Golden Eagles for their willingness to work through our conflicts, I say: IHHOAGE!
This lack of unity is not unusual. In fact, it is a normal phase of coming together. When a group comes together, there are times of laughter, fun and enjoyment and there are also times of jealousy, anger and blaming. What determines a team is not this time of "storming" but how we decide to deal with it. We could have chosen to leave it alone and pretend it wasn't there or we could have continued on the path of pointing fingers. What we chose instead was to find a way through our issues to gain the cohesiveness of a unit.
Saturday, rather than practicing on the court, we sat together in a circle with the instruction for each individual to write down three ways in which she contributed to our current state of affairs. We then went around the circle one at a time and shared our faults. No person was allowed to comment, judge or state anything after somebody had shared with the team.
Amazingly I found the players to be rather astute in their perceptions of what they needed to do in order to exert some control over what was occurring. One player said she needed to lead without fear of what her teammates would think about her. Another said she should voice her opinion when a teammate said something negative she didn't agree with rather than simply siding with her. One said she didn't need to bring her bad day with her on the court. Several of them stated they needed to be more vocal and show more enthusiasm when practicing.
When we had completed that exercise, we tore up our sheets of paper and threw them in the waste basket acknowledging we had dealt with our issues and they were no longer with us. Then we went around the group 10 times with each person stating something positive she did to help the team either on or off the court. No repeats of what another person had mentioned were allowed. At first, the Eagles were worried about the no repeat rule but they soon discovered how easy it was to find the positives. After 130 positive comments, we were well on our way to healing the experiences of our past week and moving toward the unity we needed to be successful.
When members of a team are willing to come together and share their faults, to admit their need for improvement, to take a part of the blame for what is occurring, then they can find the strength they need to defeat opponents.
To all the Golden Eagles for their willingness to work through our conflicts, I say: IHHOAGE!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Cool Coach
I must be losing my touch--the coaching touch that is. A couple of weeks ago when we were doing a positive circle and each team member was instructed to say something positive about the person on her right, I was told by Julianne I was cool this year. I had to check her face to see if cool actually meant good or if it was some meaning I had not yet deciphered. Sometimes with younger people I get lost in the lingo. Words change meaning with them as they tend to use their own interpretation of definitions. So once I determined cool actually meant good, I wasn't certain how to react. I've been called many things in my 21 years of coaching but I sincerely doubt I've ever been called cool.
What does this mean--being a cool coach? Have I been too nice? Too easy? Is my intensity waning? Have I forgotten how to push? Am I getting soft? Are practices not challenging?
I've always known it should be more important to a coach to be respected than to be liked. Being liked in the coaching world almost has a nasty connotation associated with it. It means you are being friends with the players; you don't know how to discipline; you can't draw the line in tough scenarios; and of course, you don't have your players' respect.
So I had to take a deep breath on this "cool" factor. I had to examine who I had become and if it was okay to be known as cool. After several hours of reflecting upon it, I decided I was indeed a different individual than I was years ago or perhaps even last year. I believe there was a time when I confused fear with respect meaning I thought if players feared me, then I had their respect. I no longer believe that. Respect comes from being organized and prepared, knowing how to coach, showing respect for others, being able to accept criticism, and coaching from a center of compassion. Perhaps I am not as hard-nosed, but I am still demanding and intense focused on getting the best I can from players.
I'm not certain if I am truly qualified to be a cool coach, but I am okay with the players believing I am if it makes them play better. If it doesn't make them play better, then I guess I won't get to hold the cool status.
What does this mean--being a cool coach? Have I been too nice? Too easy? Is my intensity waning? Have I forgotten how to push? Am I getting soft? Are practices not challenging?
I've always known it should be more important to a coach to be respected than to be liked. Being liked in the coaching world almost has a nasty connotation associated with it. It means you are being friends with the players; you don't know how to discipline; you can't draw the line in tough scenarios; and of course, you don't have your players' respect.
So I had to take a deep breath on this "cool" factor. I had to examine who I had become and if it was okay to be known as cool. After several hours of reflecting upon it, I decided I was indeed a different individual than I was years ago or perhaps even last year. I believe there was a time when I confused fear with respect meaning I thought if players feared me, then I had their respect. I no longer believe that. Respect comes from being organized and prepared, knowing how to coach, showing respect for others, being able to accept criticism, and coaching from a center of compassion. Perhaps I am not as hard-nosed, but I am still demanding and intense focused on getting the best I can from players.
I'm not certain if I am truly qualified to be a cool coach, but I am okay with the players believing I am if it makes them play better. If it doesn't make them play better, then I guess I won't get to hold the cool status.
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